Ladies- I am pleased to introduce to you today a new product EXCLUSIVELY available to you! Steaming Yonis!
What is a steamed yoni you ask? Well let's break it down. "Steam" from the Greek for hot, wet gaseous water and "Yoni" from the hipster for vagina (also known as a cha-cha, va-jay-jay, or hoo-haa). Put them together and what have you got? One hot, Steaming YONI!
You are probably wondering what a steaming yoni is and how they started. Right?!
Pioneered by the late, great, and incredibly steaming Marilyn Monroe, and made famous by her subway scene in "Seven Year Itch," Marilyn brought the benefits of steamed yonis to the mainstream.
Did you ever wonder why the blond bombshell was so freaking sexy? Yup. It was the yoni steam.
Marilyn was an icon, and most people can't get away with yoni steaming on a public street. Never fear though....
We have a few options available.
Personal Yoni Steaming-
You can have one of our very own "Yoni Steamers" come to your house. They bring a "kit" filled with various hippie herbs and essential oils. They put it all in a gigantic humidifier (made exclusively for "Steaming Yonis" by VagHumid, patent pending). Don't worry- our yoni steamers are totally normal, lovely, nice gals. It is totally NOT AWKWARD AT ALL to have a stranger come to your house to steam your yoni. (Not awkward at all.) Did we mention this wasn't strange at all? It isn't.
Public Yoni Steaming-
For those who prefer a more communal version of the steamed yoni, never fear- we have an option for you!
If you choose public yoni steaming you will have a treat indeed! Come to any one of our high tech yoni steaming facilities around the country, pull up a chair (with a convenient hole where your yoni would rest) and sit back and RELAX. Have a chat with the other women steaming their yoni's around you. (Again, this isn't at all weird. We call it "sister time". Bring your own mirror- they WILL NOT be provided!)
What are the benefits of a steaming yoni?
Sister-friend, they are too many to count!
First- you will find a good steaming yoni really is relaxing. Once you get over the holey chair and the shock of a hot, pointed personal humidifier, you can really experience a new level of personal bliss.
Second, the herbal steam pointed directly at your yoni makes it that much easier to get in touch with your inner-self. Some even find that all reproductive issues are erased by the magical power of steam, good thoughts, woo and yoni power.
Is a steamed yoni right for you?
OF COURSE! The real question is who wouldn't want a steaming yoni?! Once you feel the burn, you will NEVER go back to an old regular un-steamed yoni. You will wish you found us earlier.
For more information visit us on the web at
by phone at 555-HOT-YONI
or via e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org
We can't wait to hear from you!
And- as a special offer available today only, buy one yoni steam and get a free one for a friend. (Did we mention that isn't awkward at all? It isn't.)
Yes, I did just waste an entire blog post mocking yoni steaming. Yes yoni steaming is real. No you cannot get one at the above website (I don't think so....). Nor do I personally sell steaming yonis.
Yes, I realize that I just made fun of somebody (maybe even you) and yes I know that my punishment for this mockery will be endless angry e-mails from those who do really enjoy a good yoni steam. I apologize. It was a slow day at the office. (Plus this is REALLY easy to make fun of.)