Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Everything I Need To Know About Life I Learned From Chuck Norris

Picture from Wiki- public use allowed.

As you know, I LOVE Chuck Norris.

If you don't know why you wouldn't understand anyway.

As I have gone through life and matured into a wise old 30+ WOMAN I have grown to love Chuck more and more and see the wisdom in his life and teachings.

Yup- Chuck is one awesome mamma jamma and everything I know about life I learned from Chuck Norris.

Chuck knows that most people are awesome and fun to be around.  For the rest of them, a roundhouse kick is "just" the thing to shut them up.  (Be sure to wear your boots, cowboy.)

Chuck taught me that you don't use pharmaceuticals unless you are at death's door.  Chuck actually once gave aspirin a headache.

Yeah.

Mr Norris showed me that it is best to not fight with people who hate you.  It is best to walk away.

But if they keep giving you trouble you have a duel.  And then you make the loser wear their underwear on the outside of their pants for the rest of their life.  (Yeah.  Unfortunately this is why Superman looks so funny.  He got in a fight with Chuck and LOST, thus the underwear and tights.)

Chuck taught me about how important it is to treat babies with respect, kindness, and humanity at the time of birth.  When Chuck was born the doctor cried- because he slapped baby Chuck on the butt.  Treat a baby right doctor- or Chuck will find you.

From The Chuck I learned that true studs don't actually need sleep.  Chuck is the most awesome person on the planet and he doesn't sleep.  He waits.

This is a lesson ALL mothers should learn.

Chuck showed me that the impossible is possible through hard work, awesome genetics, and superhuman strength.  Chuck can swim THROUGH LAND.

When I learned this I knew that I could have a natural birth.

Chuck- you just keep inspiring me.

Chuck taught me that I shouldn't feed my kids junk food even of the golden arches variety.  In fact Chuck once made a Happy Meal CRY.

It cried.

A Happy Meal cried.  Get it?

From Chuck I learned that perseverance is a greater gift and attribute than intelligence or natural talent.  Chuck was actually once bitten by a rattlesnake.  A few days latter....the rattlesnake died.

I used to care what people thought of me.  But Chuck taught me that it is better to be respected than liked.  It is better to stand up for what you believe in than tip toe around feelings.  Chuck is so respected that ghosts sit around and tell Chuck Norris jokes when they go camping.

And of course, Chuck taught me that is better to LAUGH than cry.  That is why there are so many incredible Chuck Norris jokes out there.  The world needs more laughter.  

Someday I hope I get to meet Chuck Norris.  I will tell him that I love him and that he taught me all of life's most important lessons.

Then I will wet my pants and cry.

I love you Chuck.  Go kick somebody annoying without breaking a sweat.

Want to read some Chuck Norris jokes?  I love the ones here.   And if you need to get me something for my birthday, I love their Chuck Norris shirts and hoodies!

(Did you know Chuck has strong opinions on natural birth?  Yes he does.  Also, he is deeply passionate about breastfeeding.)

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