It's election day here in the United States of America and I voted! But of course, despite my joy at the prospect of exercising my right (and privilege) to vote I can't say I will be sad to see the election OVER.
Still, many of us need some help on how to be MORE annoying during an election. I have been paying attention and have compiled a brief list so that you TOO can lose friends and not influence people during this and any other election.
1) Use social media CONSTANTLY to tell your friends who they should vote for and how stupid/immoral/lame/lazy/elitist/UN-American, etc the OTHER dude is. Don't worry. All your REAL friends think just like you do. And if they don't, who needs 'em?!
2) Talk about moving to Canada (or another country of your choice) should the guy you are rooting for NOT win. This is always nice. It makes you sound like a real grown-up (because only real grown-ups MOVE AWAY when they don't get what they want.) It also has the added bonus of teaching your children how they should act when they don't get their way. They should throw a fit, then pout, then move.
3) Be sure to bash on candidates openly, publicly, and personally. Who cares if you haven't actually MET them, don't actually KNOW them and have derived all of this information from election flyers and the media. I mean, you MUST be right. The dude is an idiot! Their choice to be involved in politics means that they deserve insult, lies, and hatred about themselves.
4) Be noisy about how if THAT GUY wins it will RUIN this country. This lets everybody know that you really don't understand the very organization of the government of the United States of America and have never heard of the concept of checks and balances. You were asleep during high school civics. Or stoned. If you had been awake or paying attention AT ALL you would know that we are electing a president who must work with the house and senate and the courts to get ANYTHING DONE. We are NOT electing a DICTATOR. If we were then we wouldn't actually get to vote.
5) Tell everybody who they should vote for and why. While you are at it you should tell everybody who you are voting for. This lets everybody know that despite your interest in politics you forgot all that stuff about how who we vote for is private and protected by law as such. I don't have to tell you who I voted for. My CHILDREN don't have to tell your CHILDREN who I voted for. (By the way, you can't vote till you are 18!!!!)
Peace out. May your guy (or gal) win! And if not, may you get over it!