Thursday, July 26, 2012
What Happens In Labor, Stays In Labor
I hate them. Yeah, I know I am a prude, but I seriously hope nobody actually looks at life that way. Can you imagine?
Hubby goes to Vegas for the weekend. He hires a prostitute, gambles away the college money, and comes back stumbling. BUT...."It's OK babe," he slurs. "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas! It's all good!"
The whole, "It doesn't matter what you do" mentality is kind of bogus, except for.....
I don't know how many women have told me that they have fears regarding birth. Some common ones are:
"I don't want to lose it."
"I don't to scream at people or my husband."
"I don't want to poop on the table/bed."
"I don't want people to see my vagina."
You know what- these fears are totally legitimate and some come from a very real place of vulnerability. But I want to tell you something else- What you do in labor, the way you act or "lose control" or even pooping on a bed- IT IS OK IN LABOR. Because what happens in labor, really does stay in labor.
I have to say, I never freaked out with my first baby's birth. I never lost it or had a transition where I begged for drugs. I think I was too tired to care. When my second came along and I started pushing, it was a totally different story. I had pushed for four hours with my first baby and when it began with my second, all I could think was, "This is going to take all night long and it hurts so freaking bad. Somebody shoot me now."
And then, I started freaking out, yelling, screaming, etc, etc. I am not sure I told the midwife she was a liar, but I THOUGHT she was, along with everybody else in the room who said the baby would be here soon. I also thought my body was being torn in half and it was not a good sensation.
Then, afterwards, I was deeply, deeply embarrassed.
I once peed on my floor in labor, and I pooped with one of the babies too (maybe more, I think people are usually too polite to mention it). I have screamed and lost it and contemplated my imminent death and the virtues of the epidural.
You know what though- that is all good. I heard a very conservative doctor tell me once that the sweetest women would swear like sailors in labor, but, he said, it's LABOR so it doesn't matter. It really doesn't.
Losing control, second guessing yourself, contemplating mortality, even pooping in public are all normal parts of labor and they are acceptable. If we surround ourselves with people we trust and who won't judge us when we lose it, we are even better off. The only thing left to do is stop judging ourselves.
Find your inner animal, the one who doesn't care what you look like naked and forgets the exact nature of being potty trained. When you do this, you are able to birth fearlessly, let go, open up and just BIRTH.