The Real Reason I Don't Spank (or Drink or Get Epidurals)

Found HERE.
I had a friend one time tell me something that kind of sounded....strange.

Nice woman.  Good friend.  Great mom.  Here is what she said.
"We have a no spanking policy in our house.  It is because I know, that if I gave myself permission to ever hit my kids, I would beat the hell out of them."
(This doesn't sound as funny online as it did in person.  It is hard to convey.  She was really very non-violent.)

Seriously ladies, I TOTALLY GET THIS NOW.  I bet you do too.

There are just some things in life that are better to have a "no tolerance" policy about.

(Side note- this post isn't about spanking so please hold back and don't go on and on about how evil and/or awesome it is.  I don't care what you think.)

I am having a crazy day right now so stay with me for a minute.

There are a few things in life I have a no tolerance policy for.

I don't drink alcohol (at all, yes I am a Mormon but not a very good example of one), smoke (not even reefer, don't get me started on that one), get divorced, beat my kids or get epidurals.

This isn't because I am awesome.  In fact, the opposite is true.  I can't even touch these things because if I did I would be a.....

Stark raving, violent, divorced, alcoholic, chain smoking, doped up lunatic with a permanent needle stuck in my spine. 

Sure, this would be ENTERTAINING, funny even.  But in the long run, it wouldn't work out very well for me or anybody else who knows me.

Yes, I think there is something to be said for not even allowing ourselves the OPTION of doing something that can be harmful.  Sometimes I think we just need to put our foot down and say, "Under no circumstances, no matter how hard, no matter how much I want to, I WILL NOT do this thing that for me will be the beginning of a very slippery slope."

I am going to go raise my 2pm glass of iced herbal tea and drink to that!  HERE HERE!  Nut jobs of the world, UNITE!

(Disclaimer-  Yes I realize I just threw epidurals in the same category as beating children, and yes I realize they don't exactly line up on the "stuff you shouldn't do" spreadsheet.  Yes I realize that you can have a glass of wine without being a raging alcoholic/gambling/street urchin.  Yes I realize I just now made fun of the homeless.  And yes I realize that there is sometimes a time and a place for some of these things.  Of course I care what you think.  Go ahead and comment.)


LOL, thanks for posting...I ALWAYS love your blog posts because they're so real and so YOU. And that is what life is all about...being real. And btw, I don't drink, I don't smoke and I don't get epidurals. And I don't spank! :) Thanks for giving me a wonderful laugh!
Charlotta said…
Oh you crack me up! Thanks for the afternoon belly laugh!
Tara Quinn said…
Hahaha! Thank you for the comic relief for the same kinda day I am having! I really enjoy your blog and how you state your opinion without being offensive. It makes it where I can hear you when we desagree. Thanks for being you and helping a mama out!
Rebekah C said…
*hugs* I know those days. I had one yesterday, in fact. Love to you.
momto5 said…
that gave me a serious laugh.. and i totally get it.
Beth said…
LOL. Funny....Here! Here!
Mellanie said…
Your disclaimers are my favorite part of your blog posts. ;-)
Jeanna said…
Will you move to Maryland and be my neighbor, pretty pretty please! Then I wouldn't be the only crazy woman in my ward. (Well, okay, there's one more crazy woman, but she's already my friend and not as crazy as me and there's strength in numbers--so come join us!)

And I've had that same thought about gambling. Sometimes it's just nice to give yourself a rule to follow because otherwise you'd be a mess (or in my case, very very poor).
Anonymous said…
I love this post! I don't spank for the same reason. I never had an epidural in my natural labors because I thought they were evil and I would be paralyzed but then was forced to in a csec :( and still think they are evil lol I don't smoke can't stand it but I do have a glass of wine. However I totally relate to what you are saying I never use recreational drugs because i feared I might like them and wouldn't want to stop and so I figured no way was I going down that slippery slope
Anonymous said…
Anonymous said…
Lol! We have the same outlook on credit cards because if we had them we would be bankrupt or in jail for not paying bills. Totally get you!
Anonymous said…
These are my favorite posts, so real and funny! For me, my off-limits thing is TV. We don't have one at home because if I'm at a hotel and I turn it on, that's it, the day is over... And after giving birth at home I think I'll put epidurals on that list, because if I had been at the hospital I would've begged for one!

Thanks for writing, your blog is one of my favorites!!
Jeanna said…
I suppose I should mention that when I say "ward," I'm talking about a church unit, not a wing of the insane asylum. 'Cause, you know, I was using "crazy" figuratively, not literally. :)
I love this post = ) Yes, I drink wine occassionally, and although embarrased to admit, I smoke, but I can totally see myself talking about epidurals and spanking in the same sentence. I also agree with you on the smoking/drinking thing, mostly the smoking one, and wish I could have put my foot down 14 years ago. I have failed to quit many, many, many times...but one day I will overcome it with the strength I showed in my natural childbirth, or in how I stand up for what I know is true and right in life. Wish me luck in that...please! I need it.
Unknown said…
I love your humor! Very entertaining!
Mommy Baby Spot said…
HA! Love it, totally needed this today because I was having an "If I spank you I will beat the living hell out of you" day and really he was just being 3 and I was just being tired and hungry and cranky and soooo very ready for their bed time! Happily, I didn't spank (I'm against it) but did let a bit of a frantic yell of "get back in bed right now or...." (ok quick think of something)".... you're standing in the middle of the room the entire night!!!" (ok that was lame...oh totally worked....for 10 minutes *sigh)