Polygamy- Some Days It Sounds Pretty Tempting
So, I have four kids. This is pretty awesome. It is also pretty exhausting. And sometimes somewhat isolating.
Thankfully, I have discovered a solution. Polygamy. Yup, I think I need my hubby to get a few more wives.
Think about it ladies. Imagine the possibilities.
Say you want to go back to school- you can work out childcare with the other wives (doula work, even midwifery!) You get sick, but there is always somebody else to help out with dinner or sweeping or taking care of the kids.
Daily adult interaction, built in friends for your kids, help around the house, sick days, someone who understands what it is like to recover from childbirth, date nights (though you have to admit, it WOULD be awkward for your husband's OTHER wife to watch the kids so you could go on a date with him....), really, the possibilities are endless.
Yes, polygamy may fix my life.
Maybe you are thinking, "That isn't necessary, there are lots of ways to get help and relief without extra wives." But you would be wrong. Here are the other options:
A) Family help- Have I mentioned that I live with my mother in law? I think she hates me. Shocking, I know. But it isn't just me. I read a book about a traditional Asian family when I was studying Anthropology in college- a lot of people don't give rave reviews when they live with in-laws. Living with family, though helpful at times, can have a down side.
B) Hired help- This would be great. The downside of this is that first it requires MONEY. So, that is out for most of us.
C) Insanity- I have tried this one out lately, and it doesn't seem to be working that well.
Another protest about polygamy is that it ends up being really crappy for the wives. Though I have heard of some awful things going on in creepy polygamist homes, I am sure that this wouldn't happen if some precautions were taken.
First of all, all the wives must never forget something: WE OUTNUMBER THE DUDE! I think this clear and obvious power position is often forgotten.
Imagine with me for a moment the benefits this could have on your marriage.....
For one, if you ever need to "take a vote" to decide something, all the women can get together and load the ballot. Oh yes, what we say goes, because we outnumber the guy. In addition to this, one of the main things I think I would love is always having somebody to complain about my husband to. As it stands, everybody loves his guts, is related to him, thinks he is the best chiropractor they have ever met, or something like that. But I am pretty sure that if there was another wife we could together complain about how he doesn't know we have a dishwasher or about how he never wipes the counter after he shaves. This would be awesome.
The other problem that people have with polygamy is that they don't want to "share" their man. I think I understood this sentiment when I was 19 and cared about crap like that, but lately having one guy all to myself just sounds a little antiquated. I am not saying he can fool around, BUT if it was with a wife, (that I approved of course) and she helped me out, made great enchiladas, and rotated school drop off with me....well, I think I could get over it.
Sad news though ladies. I talked to the hubbs about this. In fact, I think the words I used were, "I am pretty sure I could share you with somebody else..." And he was NOT amused. Turns out all the decent guys don't actually WANT a bunch of wives. They realize what a big commitment it is to just have one. The only guys who want a whole harem are kind of creepy or in a frat and don't really understand what it means to be a good husband and father.
Here is hoping I figure something else out.
And here is hoping my next solution isn't so creepy and illegal.
Disclaimer- (Yes, I often have disclaimers on my posts. It is because I am offensive.) I WAS KIDDING. Yes, I am a Mormon. No Mormon's (AKA The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) don't practice polygamy any more. And we haven't done this for like over a hundred years. Yes I realize that there are shows on HBO that say that we do. If you believe everything you see on HBO then there isn't really much I can do to help you and your worldview. If you don't think this is funny, then I apologize. Don't burn my house down.