Love this birth story and it never ceases to amaze me how differently each woman experiences birth. It is an individual journey, unique to each of us.
I want to mention that childbirth is NOT the most painful experience. Well at least not for me. It was painful yes but it was so much more than that. It was the most intense feeling ever but I wouldn't call it painful. I honestly was shocked the pain didn't get worse. It was like period cramps and as long as you followed your body's cues it goes so smoothly.
At first I was fighting my body. I was tightening and was afraid to push. Then with much reassurance from my wonderful midwife I was finally able to push. I wish I could explain how it felt. I have no words for the sensations. But painful wouldn't be one of them. The only pain I felt was a cold ache.
My mind and body was in a completely different place. It was the most life altering experience I have ever had. I never thought I could do that. I was going to wimp out and head to the hospital but after reassurance from my wonderful friend I sucked it up and called my midwife instead of running scared. I was scared because I thought the pain would get worse. It never did.
I started contracting at 8:12am and I just knew I was in labor. I called my doula and she advised me to take a shower and see if they got worse. I did and it did get worse. Sitting on the birthing ball was extremely painful. She asked how far apart they were and I told her three minutes. My whole body was telling me it was time. I called midwife and mother in law and said I am 1000% sure I'm in labor. Now I know what they mean when they say you will just know you're in labor.
When my doula got there I was curled up in a ball on my bed. The pain wasn't that bad. My doula encouraged me to get up and get back on the ball. It was really uncomfortable. I just wanted to walk. By the time my midwife got there I told her that if I was still at 5 cen I wanted to be knocked out because I didn't think I could handle it if it got worse (I just KNEW the pain was going to get worse because it wasn't that bad).
She checked me and I was already 9.5 cen and I was so proud of myself. We got into the birth tub and the contractions were one after another. My midwife mentioned going to the car to get something but she didn't because she could tell I was very close to giving birth. I wasn't moaning or screaming at all. My doula wanted me to get on my back and it was extremely uncomfortable and did not feel right at all. I scrambled up and ended up leaning over the birthing tub side.
My husband tried to get me to drink some juice and my midwife told me to. It didn't taste too good at the time. They got me a cool wash cloth on my head and told me I could push because his head was already down there. I was scared of pushing because I thought I would poop. So I was just giving tiny pushes. Again my wonderful midwife reassured me that I would not poop and to follow through with the sensation. I finally did and that's when everything went to the next level.
When I was pushing I felt no pain. I wasn't seeing anything in front of me. I was visualizing my son coming down and out. My mind and body were completely on their own. They were doing what they knew to do and I had no control. I gave up the control and they took over. It was completely amazing. My water never broke. It didn't break until he came out.
There was the point that I started crying saying "I can't do this" but it wasn't because of pain. It was because I doubted myself so much that I thought it was impossible. It lasted for a few minutes and then something clicked inside of me saying I had no choice..just do it. So I gave it my all. With my last push I gave out a "war cry". You know..the one you give when you are pushing something with all your might and you use all your strength at once.
He came out in one push. He came out so fast that my midwife and hubby tried to catch him but they missed him. He floated up between my legs and I pulled him to my chest. He was born at 12:23pm weighing 7 pounds and 8 ounces and is 20 inches long. I have never felt such powerful emotions at once. Relief, joy, pride, and everything together. I wanted to cry. It was so empowering.
I never knew I could do it.
Now I see myself in a whole new light. I don't mean to sound big headed but I am still in shock that I did it myself. I never had a bloody show or water breaking to tell me labor was upcoming. All the pictures taken I was already 9-10 cen. As you can tell I was in the "zone". I was laughing and talking during my labor. I am happily expecting my next baby and I intend on doing another home water birth with my awesome midwife. This time I will video tape it! :)