The Horror Of Becoming "That Mom"

"That Mom"

You know the one.  "That mom" whose kids are crazy.  "That mom" who freaks out.  "That mom" who yells.  "That mom" with the snot nosed kids. 

"That mom" you used to look down on BEFORE you suddenly realized you had become.....THAT MOM.

I like to think I am a nice gal, not to judgy, down to earth, balanced.  It is a good thing though that the universe sent me my third child.  She is "that kid" and has helped me to realize that I too can be "that mom." 

Today my hubby took the four year old girl on a date and he took the stroller with him.  I went to go on a walk with the other three kids and went, "Uhhhhh, how am I going to do this with Crazy Girl?"  (Crazy Girl is the two year old.  She is like your regular two year old on steroids and speed.  Fun- but loud, temperamental, and quick.)

I put the baby in my Ergo (one of the best investments I have EVER made by the way) and big boy rode his scooter, which left the Crazy Girl. 

"Will you hold my hand while we walk to the bakery?"  I ask her. 

She backs away. 

For some reason Crazy Girl hates hand holding.  It stifles her creative spirit and makes life so boring there on the sidewalk where chances of getting hit by a vehicle are slim.  Who wants to hold mom's hand?  BBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I have an idea.  A crazy, shameful idea. 

A leash. 

Problem is I don't own a leash.  (Well, I own a dog leash but I am not THAT mom.  I am the other "that mom.") 

But I do have an old ring sling hanging in the closet. 

"Do you want to wear a pretty leash?"  I ask.

"YES,"  she says excitedly. 

So the ring sling gets wrapped around her waist and away we go. 

I revel in my own genius. 

Of course reveling in my genius never lasts long.  Soon it turns out that the "leash" is really a way for Crazy Girl to pull ME around.  She must have learned this from the dog. 

Freaking dog.  I hope I am raising the kids better than I am training him. 

So I walk in the bushes.  We pet a plastic flamingo (or duck, as she calls it).  We pick dangerous berries.  We throw dangerous berries. 

Finally, sweet relief, we arrive at the bakery.  The lady behind the counter actually says, "I like your little leash.  It looks very humane."  (I kind of like bakery girl.  Maybe we can be friends.)  I told her I never had to leash the other kids.  It is a Crazy Girl thing.

She (Crazy Girl) also screams in grocery stores, hits people, bosses anybody around, talks to strangers, pets weird huge dogs, bites preemptively (maybe she will be a Republican?), deplores underwear, socks, and shoes, and basically does all things that only other people's kids should be doing. 

I figure that other people see me with her and think, "She really should learn to discipline that child."
That is what I would have thought a few years ago if I saw somebody mothering their Crazy Girl the way I mother mine. 

But now I see that sometimes mom is tired, has a baby in her arms, or simply loves Crazy Girl and kinda sorta believes that this is just the way Crazy Girl is. 

Oh, I TRY to be a good mom and give her consequences and teach her good things.  But when you have your own Crazy Girl, you realize that sometimes they are just going to be a little crazy.  Sometimes they are just more fun to watch than yell at and you find more joy in their energy than in winning a battle with them.

So- if you too are "that mom," let's raise a bar of chocolate after bedtime and toast....

"To the "That Moms" of the world!  May your children's underwear be easy to find, your patience be strong, your hands be quick,  and may we share sympathetic glances from here to eternity!  "That Moms" of the universe---- UNITE!"

(PS, I actually don't have a problem with Republicans.  I know lots of them.  I don't care if Crazy Girl does in fact turn out to be a Republican.)

Comments

prankster-muse said…
I'm one of You Moms. I have the incognito stuffed-monkey-backpack-"harness" (leash). Could not survive airports or the Manhattan subway without it. I have a Crazy Girl who has broken out in a defiant sprint for freedom through *huge* crowds of people in airports, city streets, and once a crowded beach in San Fransisco. I'm more okay being That Mom who has her untamed three-year-old on a leash than That Mom who runs screaming as though she herself is Crazy after her child who so desperately wants to evade capture that onlookers question whether I'm actually her mother. No shame in my game :)
Amanda said…
i was "that mom" at church tonight. couldn't contain Maisy's excitement of being in the gym. she was running away from me! i was getting dirty looks, and the "we.are.in.church." looks. what's a mom to do? i held her she screamed, i put her in the ergo, she leaned all the way back. in my experience, all kids go through this stage.
Laura said…
I have a Crazy Girl! She's 7 now, so much easier than she was at 2 and 3. She's a delightful individual and I don't think I would change a thing about her. But the toddler years were VERY HARD.
Jamie said…
Thank you for sharing your gift of writing and for helping other moms out there know we are not alone. Love this post! Made me laugh out loud at my own three year old crazy girl :) I think we all become That Mom at some point in our lives. That's why it is so important to step out of our situation for a moment and just smile...time goes by so fast.
Piratelady2525 said…
Oh my thank you. I needed this today. Good to know Im not alone. Got up at 5 am this morning with Crazy Boy, who is almost 2, and extremely defiant, loud, crazy, etc, and has just decided himself that hand holding is the enemy.
Kimberly said…
What a great post. Makes me wish I had a crazy girl. Sounds like she can be really fun.
Julie said…
I can relate! It has taken me having 9 children and the last four are 5 and under 0o. I used to be waaaay more judgmental. Now when I see or usually hear "that child" in the grocery store I usually try to pray for "that mom", because I soooo understand!

Shalom,
Julie
Oh, I relate to this completely. My Crazy Girl is Agent J, almost 4 . . . and she has been like this since about 20-22 months. At first I thought oh, she's just two. Then a year later I thought, well three is the new two, right? Now another year is almost past and I'm thinking maybe it's just her? I can only imagine what goes through other moms' heads when they see our circus (J, plus one older and one younger sibling) out and about. And the backpack leash thing did not work for us. She got out of it and ran anyway. Luckily, she loved the stroller, and still does, but usually I put the baby in when I have all three Agents by myself. BTW totally LOL at the Republican line. My oldest is in the room with me, and she was like, what is so funny mommy? Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!
Lynda said…
With my first daughter, I looked down on other moms a lot. I know now that I was NOT the perfect parent then, but rather a) she was the perfect daughter, and b) I only had ONE kid! When DS was born, and later, became a toddler, I became THAT MOM - yelling, bribing, leashes, TV-as-the-babysitter - everything I had looked down on with DD. As it turns out, DS is developmentally delayed, so the Terrible Twos are going to last for a VERY long time (he's 4 already, and still in his TTs). Now, I have DD2 added to the mix, who is 14mon, and she and DS make life SO crazy, not to mention that DD1 is now 11, and hitting puberty, and having mood swings, attitude, etc. Yay! I LOVE being THAT MOM. :D
familyimaid said…
I'm a "that mom" with my middle child! Thanks for sharing because this made me feel tons better!
Brie said…
I have a crazy girl. She's 4 now and I'm so glad I didn't stifle her spirit when she was two. She's alot easier to reason with now, and listens alot better. We had a leash with her... she loved it, so I never thought it was inhumane. Wasn't a fan of leashing either before I had this kid... but now I know.
Meghan said…
I have a Crazy Girl, and she is also my third. I think it must be something about being the third child. Anyway, she is three and shows no signs of being sane anytime soon, so I'm just holding on tight and enjoying the ride.
J2 said…
I was "That Kid" My Mom told me that she had me to humble her. I was leashed plenty of times where my older sister never was. I still have not grown out of it (now at 26), but more or less learned how to flourish with it. I can remember my Mom struggling through parent teacher conferences, torn between trying to discipline me more, and allowing me to be creative (I had a lot of "old school" teachers). I turned out just fine (or so I believe ;) ) and I work with teenagers with substance abuse problems and I am an avid adventure. Some of my over the top energy helped me get through life and now is something I rely on when working with my clients. I have a feeling I will have a child just like me, its a karma thing I think, and I have fully warned my husband on that.
Cynthia said…
I am "That Mom" with a Crazy Boy...he is fun and crazy and has no fear and leads mommy to the very edge of her sanity on a daily basis (he is #2 and I thought I knew what I was doing since #1 was so easy...as is #3 ;) ) But he is also my sweet - lovable - cuddlebug and I would not trade this free spirit for anything.
pollyhyper said…
I'm "That Mom" with her son on a leash. It looks like a monkey and we call it his backpack. He loves it and it keeps him from walking into the street which he would just LOVE to do. When people remark on it, positively or negatively, I say, have you MET my son? You'd have him on a leash too!
Conservamom said…
Haha!! Loved it! My crazy girl is #2! I am "That mom"
Lina said…
Bwaaahahahaa... oh Mama Birth, thank you so much for not minding if she becomes a Republican! That was an awesome unexpected ending to a(nother) hilarious, spot-on post!
Xoxo,
A Preemptive Biting Republican (Who is 32) ;-)
Analisa said…
I don't have children, yet, but I am a preschool teacher and have had "those kids" in my class before and I. Love. Them. They always add so much fun, joy, and excitement to the day. (Who wouldn't love a kid who does a cartwheel in the middle of story time "just beacuse"? Even though I must pretend to disapprove for the sake of the classroom, it's really hilarious to me and I totally love those kids more beacause of their personailities!) I also love how so many of the moms who have commented on this post really seem to embrace their child's personality and spirit. What a gift to "those children"! Good luck with "those kids", Moms, I hope I have one just like them someday! :)
Jo*Marie said…
My "crazy girl" is 7 and my step daughter. The first time she acted this way I called my mom and apologized for well...my entire life. I tell hubby all the time she stopped my judging other moms. Just the other day the police were called because she threw such a colossal fit not wanting to go to school someone thought I was kidnapping her. I love being "that mom".
Haley said…
I have a Crazy Girl, and she is nearly 7! She is vibrant, loud, in-your-face and beautiful. :-) Her spirit is amazing. I'm not sure it will get any "better", but then again I'm not sure I'd want it any other way.. even if sometimes I want to pull my hair out. Ha. I get those looks too, but sometimes you just have to let kids be kids!
B said…
This is my #2, except she use to have awful tantrums too. A friend suggested cutting out wheat and viola! No more tantrums! The "crazy" though, that stayed and we love her for it :D
Mama Birth said…
So good to see all your comments. I am grateful to be in the club now-
Hannah said…
I have a 2 year old Crazy Girl. She is currently spitting out her milk on our coffee table and wiping it up with her socks while I read this article. Meh.
Jen said…
My oldest (DD) is "that child" who has made me "that mom". Maybe it's good that I had her first so that I NEVER felt like I was doing everything right...we were a mess from the beginning:) She has gotten so much better (she's 7), but still has way more energy than any one child should (or 3 children put together) and a temper to match. Our biggest problem has been that with 3 younger siblings they tend to try to keep up with her which makes life even more fun/insane. It is looking like dc #3 may be following in some of big sisters foot steps. I really think that any mom who says "all kids are like that" has never truly had the type of child we are talking about...or maybe they've had multiple of "those children" and don't realize there are some children who truly are "easy" in comparison:)
Jen D said…
Yup, B, we cut out refined sugars and wheat and it stopped the Tyrannosaurus Rex tantrums but "Crazy Boy" is still crazy. Most of the time I'm okay with it all but other times I really just want to cower in the corner and cry because I get nothing done.

I'm currently ignoring "Crazy Boy" who is climbing on the chest freezer trying to teach is nine month old sister how to do it. There's a lock on it and it's packed full of meat so it's not going anywhere.

I was "Crazy Girl" when I was young. My mother hated me, I'm trying to keep my cool and not do the things to my son that my mother did and still does to me.
I keep thinking of the screaming kid in a store scenario and your last shopping outing with all the kids - I have a similar post in my head but I've been afraid to share it. Maybe I will anyway. :P
I'm on my second crazy boy, who is also two and would get along great with Crazy Girl. If I could get him to stop screaming all day long, I might have a shred of sanity left. BTW, maybe I've said it before, but the book Making the Terrible Twos Terrific by John Rosemond really does help tremendously.
newincs said…
I am "That Mom" to a four year old boy and a two year old boy! :) I have "free range" children... and they are DEFINITELY "those children". They are free range more out of THEIR necessity than my wanting it LOL :) I have learned a LOT through them :) Leashes-YES. We use the backpacks but still.. YES. Not to mention my now 15 year old nearly being kidnapped once (but for her leash!!). (((((HUGS))))) to all of "those moms" out there :)
Hannah Joy said…
*here's to us*

My #2 is my wild thing. She is intense in everything she does. Whew.
Erin B. said…
Oh, I have a crazy girl too. She's awesome and I love that she's crazy, and I do everything I can not to stiffle it. But d*mn she makes me so tired. Awesome post! I'm subscribing - sent by Leaky Boob!
Unknown said…
I am laughing and crying reading this. My Crazy Girl is almost 3, though she has been mistaken for 4. sometimes I am That Mom who lets her 2 year old push the huge cart around the grocery store. Sometimes I am told that I am the Mean Stepmother and her Fairy Godmother will come and save her *insert massive eyeroll here*. My house is a mess because at naptime, yes naps are needed when you wake up at 5am, I barely have the energy to reheat some leftovers for myself let alone wash the floors. She really is amazing and her preschool teacher says she is destined to rule the world, but she may be a dictator lol. Hey, at least she's stopped attacking random kids just because she doesn't like how they look.... :)

We do need to start some sort of Crazy Girl support group. Sometimes it seems like everyone else's kid is so quiet and calm except mine. It started around 4 months when I considered demonic possession as a realistic explanation for why she is the way she is. lol
Alex said…
This made me laugh! Thanks for posting :)
momof5 said…
I have 4 averagely well-behaved children, and smack dab in the middle is "the boy". He is not he only boy, as he has two other siblings of the penis-bearing persuasion, yet he is the one referred to as " The Boy". It is shorthand for " that boy". And, yes, I am sure that people think I need to step up and parent him so he learns to keep in line, but the fact is that my husband and I are already strict parents, "the boy" is just completely untamed. Plus, he's creepily intelligent. Brilliant, headstrong, independent and stubborn- it's a dangerous and frustrating combination.

I live in a small town, thankfully, and I got a phone call from the local sheriff's department about 5 months ago. They asked if I was missing a kid. Truthfully, I wasn't missing a thing, I was enjoying the peace and quiet because two of my kids were playing happily outside. Well, one child was playing outside, "the boy" had taken off for downtown. I think he was heading to the pool hall. Not that he's ever been there before. It was horrifying. He has been under house arrest ever since. He's not allowed out without a warden.

I understand "that mom". I was driven there myself by "the boy". And I could use a link so I can find a leash, too.
Loved this! My crazy girl is 4 and altho never leashed her, would have saved my sanity many times. She is amazing smart loud crazy just like me :) The doctors say early sgins of ADD Im not worrided at all to me she is prefect and Id rather have her be her wild loud crazy witty beautiful self than be anythingelse <3 Thank you made me laugh <3
Tiffany said…
Love it! I am THAT mom too. I'm THAT mom who sat at a birthday party and couldn't help but laugh at the toddler drama unfolding before my very eyes. My Crazy Girl is bossy, and so were the other toddlers. They all took turns pushing and shoving and stealing toys, and because I'm THAT mom, I just laughed (and intervened when it was necessary).

I always said I would never be like that! Eh. Oh well.
Great post. Couldn't help but giggle at how similar it sounds to my family!!
dawnik said…
oh my....thank you thank you thank you. i had my little Crazy girl in the middle of my two mild mannered 'mommy adoring' sons. She is 9 now and so amazing, talented, troublesome and still crazy. I am so 'that mom' and I relish it with reckless abandon.
True Talk said…
My crazy boy is the firstborn, so I didn't realize how crazy he was until mellow girl came along. That picture is priceless, by the way. I have done that sooo many times.
mollie said…
I do not have a crazy boy or a crazy girl (yet - she is 4 months old) but I was a day care worker for 10 years. My motto is never say never :) (my BIL was 'crazy boy')
Denise said…
Love this. I have two teenage boys 13 and 14 and am "that mom" my youngest son is the crazy boy and although it has gotten "better" as he has gotten older it is still difficult. He is an awesome person and I have people tell me often how kind, smart and engaging he is. He is still crazy. Good luck. :) your little crazy girl is lucky to have her crazy momma.
Crystal said…
Lol you and I must share the same child. My Crazy Girl is also two and boy she knows how to push her mamas buttons. She's a free spirit though and she knows what she wants, sometimes I just wish I could reign her in a little bit. She seems to have an interest in anything and everything dangerous. I also have a 3 month old....Crazy Girl and 3 month old make for an interesting pair, I feel I will have to Crazy Girls on my hands soon lol.
Jen-Jen said…
I have a two year old who is somewhat similar, except that she will hold my hand -- if it means she can just hold my ring finger. The hating clothes I attribute to sensory issues, although I doubt it's bad enough for an occupational therapist to do anything about. Have you had your daughter evaluated for sensory processing issues?