A Miscarriage Letter

(This was submitted by a reader who is also a doula.  She thought that maybe it could help somebody else and hopefully ease their pain.  I hope it does too-)

(Photo from http://fertilesource.com/2011/10/the-empty-cradle/ by Kathy Leonard)

I wish we could have met

Dearest Sweet Baby,
I was hoping I would write this letter months from now after we worked together to deliver you safely into my arms. Sadly, it must come now. I want you baby. I want to hold you, look into your sweet eye, kiss you. I want to nurse you, and introduce you to your big sister. I want you. But I know this can’t be. I know it is time for you to go. I know that I will never meet you alive. I want you and I have dreamed of your birth for a long time. 

Every contraction I feel I know you are closer and closer to being drawn home. Although I did not want to loose you, we are still going to work together so that you can go Home. Every pain I feel, I know you will soon be in the arms of My Father. He wants you, and will care for you. Although you will not be joining our family here, you are still apart of our family. We will never forget you. You will not be brushed under the rug, you will be acknowledged, loved, cherished and missed.

It is 3:00 a.m. on December 13, 2011 and I feel you beginning to leave me. Although this wont be a pleasant birth and it wont end with you alive, we will still work together. I will still allow you to leave me on your own timing and I will work through the pain as I would have months from now. Although this birth will not end with my holding you in my arms, it will end. I want to continue to feel this pain because I know when it stops, you are gone. My sweet innocent baby, I am so sorry that I could not bring you into this world. I love you so much dear baby and I long for the day that I can finally meet you.
Forever your mommy, forever in my heart


Motorsport_Mama said…
Thankyou for sharing Mamas.
I lost my baby on 6th December, 2011. I wish that I could have read this then. I know that the whole time we were all safe in the palm of God's hand. I know that our children are there now. But it hurts. And today it feels like someone has punched a hole through my centre. And its just empty.
This baby was meant to be my VBAC. I planned. And Planned. And planned. I worked out, lost weight, ate right... But at the end of the day my baby had attached to my (Un-necessary) C-section scar and just wasn't getting what she needed.

I've been avoiding you all week Mama Birth. But thankyou for sharing something that touched me where I'm at.