Are Women Just Mean? (Or Only When It Comes To Beyonce?)

Picture from (Just a little creeped out right now that there is a whole website devoted to this and I went on it.)

I actually don't know who she is.  I think she is a singer, but since I mostly listen to Ray Charles and Mark Knopfler, she isn't on my play list and probably never will be. 

Apparently she had a baby.  (Or maybe it was a surrogate and she was just pretending to be pregnant.  People TOTALLY do that!).  And she had the baby via planned c-section.  (Or was it all natural?  I can't keep track.  They are about the same.)  Also, you may have heard that she stopped people from visiting their babies in the NICU because her bodyguards only let Beyonce into the NICU.  Or maybe that was made up.

I don't know and I don't care.  

If you are like me, you are probably wondering right about now why on earth I am talking about this.  I really don't give a hoot how she birthed.  Well, of course I care about birth, but I just hope hers and every woman's birth is happy and joyful and healthy.

WHY am I talking about this?

Truthfully, all this drama and meanness towards a celebrity that I have never met and don't actually care about really bothered me.

Now, there is a distinct possibility that I am pre-menstrual.  There is definitely a full moon looming.  Or maybe this just got to me because it was really pretty mean spirited.

And you know what else?  I have written about being nice a lot.  Like, A LOT (yes, those are two separate words.)  In fact, over and over again.  I am not just telling other people to be nice, I am talking to myself.  I am mean.  But mostly to my husband.  (Is that better or worse?   Uh-oh...)

But when I see all the hatred that people are throwing at some singer or a mother of 20 or some other person they don't actually KNOW IN REAL LIFE just because they did something we don't agree with or don't like, it makes me sad.

In fact, it makes me a little ashamed I am a woman.  Because, let's be real, this is the girls attacking each other most of the time. 

I hear people joke sometimes about how women are catty or mean spirited.  They talk about the mommy wars and backbiting and gossip and cruelty.  I remember saying myself that teenage girls can be the meanest things on the planet.  I mean, I remember being ONE.  It was ugly.

I like to think that we are better than this.  I want to believe that we are not just catty and cruel.  But over and over I am proven a little bit wrong. 

I hope this is not the case.  

Maybe I sound sexist when I say this, but I think one of the fabulous things about women is a natural leaning towards nurturing and kindness.  I hope that we can cultivate that a little more.  It seems obvious that we need to.

I hope that we can remember that meanness in any part of our lives will seep into our family.  I have never had a day that I was cruel to somebody or even just thought mean things about someone that did not rub off on my family a little.

When I am thinking nasty thoughts about somebody else because I am mad or better than them or they wronged me, I am always a little more short with my kids.  I find myself a little more irritated with my husband.  I get angry a little faster.

Cruelty in my heart gets taken out on those around me.  I am willing to bet that I am not the only one who has this problem.   

There is no such thing as a time and a place where it is OK to be mean.  There just isn't.  It isn't OK to treat our husbands or our kids like that.  It isn't even OK to talk that way about a filthy rich celebrity.  It is just mean and ugly and it adds a little more cruelty to a world that is already overflowing with sad stories.

I think we can be better than this.

I think we can be nurturers, but first we have to nurture that in ourselves.  I think we can be loving, but first we have to show love when it is easier to be nasty.  I think we can be kinder, but first we need to remember that kindness begins with us.


Hibou Designs said…
Thank you, it's refreshing. For a community that pride itself for making better choices on facts, the last 2 days went out the window and ppl were so mean base on stories from TMZ. I spent everyday trying to convince a new mom or mom to be to research a little more, or be inspired by making better choices, but I felt ashamed of all the pages on natural parenting that I follow and send ppl to. It was worst then high school!! =/

This has been a sad day for women in general, I think it hurts more because I have a daughter. I educate myself because I want better for her, but someone will try to put her down at every chance they have.

NOT one msg about Beyonce said Congratulation to the new parents, not one!! Sad I say!!
Thank you for writing this. I could not agree more whole heartedly.

I don't follow Beyonce. I do know who she is because I have so many grandchildren who sometimes tell me about her.

But I loved when she was quoted as saying her birth was special to her and her husband. Birth is special, no matter whose it is.

You are a nice woman (stop worrying about your "humaness" . We all have our moments. You showed how nice you are, by posting this comment.

I think it will make women THINK about their motives and their innate ability to be cruel sometimes. You make the world a better place by writing this.
MentalMom said…
•"Most women had the one thing in common: they had great pain when they gave birth to their children. This should make a bond that held them all together; it should make them love and protect each other against the man-world. But it was not so. It seemed like their great birth pains shrank their hearts and their souls. They stuck together for only one thing: to trample on some other woman."

-A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
Unknown said…
Hi there! just to let you know you can do the parody post if you'd like. sorry I didn't get back to you, but I just had a baby and we ended up in the hospital! hugs laura
you can mail me: mamapoekie at yahoo dot com
Anonymous said…
All the mommy bashing has made me want to stay off of the pregnancy/birth/parenting pages on facebook that I have grown to adore. I'm tired of mothers verbally attacking other mothers for their choices, when really, it's none of their business. I try to keep out of it but even when I do, it wears me thin. I'm hoping this will blow over soon so I can go back to actually liking the pages that I frequent and the moms that actually give support to others rather than belittle them. It's frankly disgusting and also makes me kind of ashamed to be a woman.
Mama Birth said…
@mamapoekie- I did do that post- Congrats on your baby! I hope all is well for all of you. I will check your blog to see what happened. Here is the link-
Anonymous said…
Amen, Mama. Thank you for being unabashedly human, and pointing out to us all that it's okay to start where you are and aim to be better.

We don't have to agree with people's choices to be supportive or happy for them! Let's have some class, ladies!