Thursday, September 15, 2011

Disgusting Things Kids Love


Hopefully your children are symbols of germ free, sparkling bright, GMO free, cleanliness. If not, keep reading.

1) Using public restrooms- In particular high demand are the bathrooms at Walmart and any gas station or grocery store. It is quite possible my children are training to be bathroom connoisseurs, and so must experience the filth of every single bathroom in town. Enforcing the "Use the potty at home before we leave" rule is of no use. They need to go again. Time to rethink this whole hydration focus I have.

2) Laying on the floor- Since we are in a public restroom, we might as well enjoy it to the fullest by laying on the floor. Or maybe locking the door and then finding yourself unable to unlock it and then being forced to crawl under it on your belly would be fun. I don't consider myself a germaphobe, but this does make me glad I do laundry. That outfit will NOT be worn again tomorrow.

3) Trash cans- OK- we are almost safe. We have successfully rubbed our body parts on the public toilet, rolled on the floor, but have redeemed ourselves by attempting to clean all invisible microbes off at the sink. Drying hands.....wadding up paper.....putting it in the garbage......make sure it is all the way in there.....push the paper towel under that little flapper thing.....feel around....get hand stuck under the flapper thing in the garbage can.....

Sigh. Well, we tried get clean. Let's just chalk the whole public restroom experience up as another notch on the "nature's vaccine" belt. They will be healthier for this experience, right?

4) Fruit snacks- Despite popular opinion to the contrary, and a wrapper that claims "real fruit" and "vitamin C" I am quite sure that the ever present fruit snack is in fact simply a glorified gummy bear. Tasty in their own right but most certainly not a health food or a type of fruit of any sort, despite their miniature squishy fruitish appearance. This is cleverly marketed junk food. Kids however, love them. Especially if I am ever fool enough to mention healthy eating habits in public. I may have found a cure for the fruit snack love recently though while camping. I will let you know how long the fruit snack aversion lasts in my house.

5) Dirt- Actually I don't mind my kids getting dirty or playing in dirt one bit. Kids and clothes can be washed but fun is just fun. Nothing wrong with some good clean dirt, right? I did however, when dumping bag after bag of steer manure on my garden this spring, have the privilege of turning my back, only to turn around to....you guessed it, a toddler actually eating manure. From a steer. That is a castrated bull in case you did not know. And manure is just a nice gardening term for animal crap. I am not kidding. And- she was smiling about it. Maybe a crude phrase is coming to mind. I won't mention it here. But, umm, yuck.

She was actually fine. She didn't even vomit.

6) Feces- Mom may only fertilize her garden once a year with bull dung, but it is easy to find your very own version of manure any day of the year! I don't want to really get into this one too deeply, and there are just too many fecal matter stories to even pick one. But, I will say this, if you have survived a toddler, you have probably learned from some expert on Google that eating your own poo is not near as dangerous as eating somebody elses. And they say motherhood isn't intellectually challenging. Whatever.

By the way, I consider my children geniuses for always finding something to play with and never claiming boredom.

7) Cleaning the toilet- I actually don't know how to handle this one. On one hand, I love that the kids are getting involved without being asked in household cleanliness. Yea for self initiative and picking up that toilet scrubber!
On the other hand, cleaning the toilet when you are two feet tall and everything splashes up in your face and you really hate washing your hands, is just a tiny bit gross. I usually just go with a somewhat strained "Thank you for helping! Can I have a turn too?!"

8) Goldfish- Not the real ones, but the little golden crackery ones that come in boxes. We were at Costco today (before the bathroom break) and my four year old found a box of goldfish that must have contained enough of those things to last through a nuclear winter in your bomb shelter. "Can we have some!?" she gleefully asked. Sadly, no. I think I would prefer that they actually ate real raw goldfish from a bowl. They probably have more nutritional value. (In truth, I have on occasion purchased goldfish, but I was trying to make myself feel superior just now.)

****
On the up side to all the disgusting stuff, is the fact that kids are such pure little creatures that they are literally open to embracing ANYTHING in life still. Yet to come is the grown up aversion to anything new, unknown, foreign, or strange. They see it, they like it, they go for it. I will try to let them embrace that beautiful part of childhood, while still keeping them clean enough to survive to adulthood. Good luck to you too on this amazing, though occasionally disgusting, journey-

6 comments:

Becky and the Boys said...

So you followed me and my kids around while we were out and about, huh? The 2yo is potty training, and was clutching himself at the grocery the other day, but once I took him to the bathroom he refused to go. I forced him on the toilet, and to defy me, but his bum in the toilet water. Yes. And he couldn't hold it any longer and peed, while sitting in the toilet water.

BTW, a steer is a castrated male cow, generally used for meat (beef) and is relatively docile. A bull has his balls and is mean and dangerous, and is used for breeding.

blossomgirl said...

I have pet rats (photos on my blog), and most adults who hear about them react with utter horror - 'Rats!! Ewwwww!' (which is weird. Rats are cleaner than most people, and my rats are tame fancy rats, not sewer rats!)

However, my rats have been introduced to many, many children who all react with enthusiasm, and love petting them, and cuddling them. That has got to be one of the things I love most about kids - their complete lack of judgement when it comes to the world. They're so open, and willing to try new things! In other words, "Yet to come is the grown up aversion to anything new, unknown, foreign, or strange. They see it, they like it, they go for it."

Love this post!

Mama Birth said...

Becky- that is classic. And hilarious that you know that about steers and I had literally NO idea.Thanks-

Amanda Farrow said...

Jeff would love to inform you that the Wal--brand gummy bears have less sugar than those lovely fruit snacks!!! We had a debate it about it this year while camping too. We have been moderately successful in weaning them off of those however our youngest has resorted to picking up leftovers off the playground or someones shoe...Yes and I didn't stop him..

Melissa said...

This is very funny! My 10 month old son loves to walk over to the toilet any time the door is open and lick it. The eating manure made me feel a little better about the toilet licking. :)

mommyto6 said...

My 4 year old is obsessed with public toilets!! She is (for some reason) scared to death to go to her own toilet at home (hmmm, probably because her four older siblings scare the crap out of her about so many different things) but she absolutely HAS to go potty every time we are anywhere in public! Drives me insane!!

Another disgusting thing my kids love is to see the baby's poopy diaper while I'm changing it. They always say, "Oh, I wanna see." They are fascinated by the peas, raisins, sunflower seeds, etc. they see in there!! And they comment on the different colors it is like they are talking about paint samples.... "Oooo, look at the shade of orange it is today. That looks like the sunset last night..." :)

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