What That Pregnant Woman Really Thinks When You Say That

Despite the fact that I can actually be an incredibly rude person, when somebody puts their foot in their mouth with a comment surrounding my pregnancy, I never have anything rude to say back. Maybe I was just taught really well to be polite? (Anybody who knows me is laughing right about now.)

Maybe I am just stunned? I don't know. But, on behalf of oversensitive, overweight (in a beautiful, glowing, pregnant way) and over insulted pregnant women everywhere, here is a list of what people say, what I say, and what I really think.

If you think delving into the depths of my subconscious is a little disturbing, don't say I didn't warn you.

Quote 1:
"Are you having twins?! Are you SURE?!"

What I say:
(Nervous laughter and polite smile.) "No, haha. I had the midwife check. Just one in there."

What I am thinking:
"Seriously? Why on earth would you say that to me? And what is YOUR excuse for the extra 15 pounds?"

Quote 2:
"Still pregnant?"

What I say:
"Yep! (nervous laughter)

What I am thinking:
"If I were not pregnant I would be holding the baby OUTSIDE of my body."

Quote 3:
"You look like you're about to pop!"

What I say:
(This one always takes me by surprise.)

What I am thinking:
(I know, totally inappropriate for a Mormon housewife to even think that. But there it is.)

Quote 4:
"When are you going to have that baby?!"
(Repeat daily for three months from various strangers.)

What I say:
"Oh you know, they just come when they are ready. One of life's beautiful surprises."

What I am thinking:
"If I knew that I would be A) Psychic, B) Some sort of deity, or C) An OB. What is so hard about a baby coming when it is ready. Do we have to plan everything?"

Quote 5:
(Said when out in public with 'gasp!' all three kids and pregnant belly.)
"Wow. You are going to have your hands full." ~Must be said in a voice that is a mixture of shock and horror.~

What I say:
(Why is my response almost always a smile and nervous laughter?! Seriously, my parents are not this polite!)

What I am thinking:
(On a bad day.)
"Are you kidding me, my hands ARE full. I am secretly freaking out, wondering if my sanity will survive and more importantly, if my kids will turn out to be functional adults. Can you get the door for me, load the groceries in the car (even after I say I don't need help) and then help push me into my Suburban that conveniently has a four inch lift?"

(On a good day.)

"I love my kids! I couldn't imagine life without them! They are the best thing that every happened to me and in no way a burden. Why does everybody seem so afraid of children? They are awesome."

Quote 6:
"You look beautiful."

What I say:
(Well I might just burst into tears and not say anything.)

What I am thinking:
"Thank you. I really needed that. And I am just crying because I am emotional, not because I am certifiable. "

Quote 6:
"Do you need anything?"

What I say:
"No! I feel great! Thanks though."

What I am thinking:
"I think I need a donut. Where can I get a donut where nobody will recognize me?"


Anonymous said…
Haha, that was hilarious! Thanks for sharing! I wish I could come back with comments right away too, but I usually feel ackward or can't think of anything at that moment either!
Molly said…
I birthed at 43 weeks, 3 days. By the end I was snapping at people who inquired about the birth day.

My neighbor yelled from across the street, "Have you had that baby yet?"

I turned so she could see my huge belly and barked back, "Does it LOOK like I've had him?!"

I'd call people and instead of answering with, "Hello", I'd hear, "Are you in labor?!" or something similar. I started hanging up on people.

My husband became the only person I could talk to about anything other than my son's arrival.
Jo said…
Amen. Next time when someone says you are about to pop, politely pat THEIR tummy and ask when they are due ;)
Anonymous said…
I hate that hands full comment especially when they could help with something like walk the cart back...and don't, jerks.
Kimberly O. said…
The worst one for me was the twins comment. I got it all the way through my pregnancy even AFTER two ultrasounds. It made my blood boil!! I just wanted to yell at everyone to just shut up already! *sigh*
Nancy said…
Molly, ME TOO!! I was 43 weeks and had enough! I ignored my dad's calls for 3 days before labor...did he REALLY think I wouldn't call him after I had a baby?!?!

This was so cute! I could certainly identify with it. Thanks for writing!
T said…
When I am out with all three of my kids, I hear the "Wow, you've got your hands full!" comment often! I always respond "Yes, I do, hands full of love!" because even though there are long days I sincerely realize how fast the time is going by and I LOVE my kids!! I know you do too!!
Marguerite said…
It's like you are inside my head. I'm not pregnant and don't plan to be for awhile, but while I was pregnant with my third I too had all the dumb comments...and yes gasps....I was that big. The one comment that gets on my nerves and that I hear the most often now is "Wow! You have your hands full!" Yes I do...and thank you for noticing me and my wild kids! They usually say that after my kids have done something embarassing...which is EVERY time we go out in public :)
violinwidow said…
Is there a handbook of stupid questions that every body reads, because EVERYONE asked me those same questions, on a daily basis. My least favorite was "haven't you had that baby yet?" my stock answer became: "yes, I have, and he was delicious" That shut them up quick. Love the baby flipping the bird by the way.
Regi said…
HAHA!! being 27wks right now, i can relate. though you have shown great restraint. I have already had to apologize to a few people for saying what I'm thinking.
Danie Nicole said…
Love this! And I can so relate to these.
I started getting the 'Haven't you had that baby yet?!?' comments at 34wks. I wanted to scream, 'NO, I'M NOT EVEN TERM YET!'
The twins comment started at about 12wks since I was already noticeably pregnant.
Oh how not lovely people are to pregnant women and new mothers. Like the hormones and body changes aren't enough?
mamamia said…
Sigh, I've had the twins comment so often for this pregnancy (#11) that I'm seriously going to be disappointed when just the one pops out in 7 weeks time!!! ;)
Anonymous said…
I can *so* relate to this ATM, especially as I approach my birthing time. I think I'm gonna have to post my own list and reactions, though I'm gonna cut/paste/link to the one about 'hands full' because I'm in the same situation!!

Thanks for making me laugh!!
Annie said…
I'm due with twin girls at the end of June, and I've been trying to come up with clever replies for people who do the assuming "are you having twins" question. Ha, can't wait to see their faces!
Rachel said…
You forgot to add the declarations. Like for those of us who don't find out.
Quote 1
Oh you're having a boy/girl!
What I say:
Maybe (nervous laughter)
What I am thinking:
Who the H*** do you think you are declaring the sex of my child then acting smug when your 50/50 guess is right?!?!

And then there are those people who just try to guess how far along you are. Like that woman in the mall who guessed I was 6 months along. I was about 2.5

Oh, and "Hey Preggo"
WHich I no longer hide my real response to. It's "I'm Pregnant (said in a slow voice like they're stupid), Prego is a sauce. You can find it in the pasta isle."
MelissaH said…
During my 3rd pregnancy whenever a stranger would make a rude comment I would look at them, straight faced, and reply - "I'm not pregnant." Of course I was hugely pregnant, but it always shuts them up.
Hippie Mama Pea said…
This is so dead on! I'm only 21 weeks, extra fluffy, and I already get some of these.
Hippie Mama Pea said…
This is so dead on! I'm only 21 weeks, extra fluffy, and I already get some of these.
I got the "Twins?" comments for weeks. People don't understand that Twin is a 4 letter word to a pregnant woman. Turns out, I am pregnant with twins, 26wks now. I want to smack every single person who guessed, and threaten to show up on their doorstep give them a baby, since I'm getting an extra - like it's their fault! (I secretly think it is!)
So of course starting at 24wks, strangers have already started asking how soon. Great! Barely half way through and I already look like I'm about to pop.
Pray that we go full term and only have to argue with our OB/hospital staff minimally to get the birth we want!