I Am Modern Medicine- Kneel At My Altar
You need me.
The more you use me, the more you will realize how much you need me.
Feeling sick? Your body cannot heal itself. You need me. Healing is the same as covering symptoms anyway. I have a pill for whatever ails you.
Is that pill making you sick? Damaging your lifestyle? Causing you pain, nausea, vomiting, dry skin, aching, dizziness, vertigo, temporary blindness, lethargy, swelling, dry mouth, (and in rare cases, death or dismemberment)?
Don't worry. Don't fear. Don't question me. I have another pill to fix what the first or second or third pill caused.
Health?! Well, what does that mean anyway? Health is relative. What matters is that you are symptom free.
What do you mean, "What about what is causing these symptoms?"
Does it matter? The human body is complex. It makes mistakes. It is my job to fix the things that go wrong.
You say you don't need me for basic bodily functions? You think that things like BIRTH are normal?! You think that they are safe?!
How little you know!
I have seen people who can't go to the bathroom without my help! And a woman deliver a baby, on her own no less?! Ludicrous.
Haven't you heard how much that hurts!? Have you seen the size of your body and the size of a baby? Women used to DIE all the time in childbirth. And their babies died too. You don't want that, do you?
What? You have heard that those deaths were due to poor sanitation, poor nutrition and hemorrhage? I have personally seen over and over birth go wrong in SECONDS. You must be in a hospital in case of that eventuality.
Someone told you that hospitals cause some of those emergency problems in birth?! WHO are you talking to? Did they go to medical school?
Plus the unbearable pain of birth! What woman needs to suffer like that to have a child? Why not lie back, take a nap, and let me take care of things. You don't have to feel a thing. (Well, until after...)
You have heard that unnecessary "interventions" may cause your birth to be more dangerous?! Who told you that!? (Deep breath.) You never know when you will need an IV, so why not put it in as soon as you walk in to the hospital? You never know when the baby will stop getting oxygen, so why not be attached to monitors through your labor? You never know when the placenta will turn to calcified mush, so lets just induce on your due date? You never know if your hips are big enough, so why not just avoid the "pain" of labor and cut the baby out?
You will be glad you did.
I am not just Modern Medicine. I am your friend. I am your confidant. I am your savior. I can protect you from not just life's aches and pains, but from death itself. I am more than an ethereal thought, global superpower, a money making machine. I am your religion. Worship me.