Count Your Many Blessings
I don't know what it is but I have been so down lately. Maybe it is the hormones, or the rain, or not exercising, but whatever it is I just have been feeling a little sorry for myself. I hate to be like this, but it happens.
About a week ago my husband's came home to tell me that a colleague of his had tragically lost her daughter. The daughter was a grown woman, the mother is divorced, and she was the only child.
I saw the mother tonight. She is, of course, having a hard time with life. She was so happy to meet my children and just held them and hugged them and talked to them. She talked on and on about how wonderful it was to have children in her home again and how beautiful they were.
To her my life didn't look like it was full of stress. It looked like it was full of blessings. Blessings that were gone for her.
Our visit to her took place in the evening. I don't know about you, but the evenings for me are the hardest part of the day. I appear to be kind and patient earlier on in the day, but, I always say that I work a 12 hour shift and it ends at seven. It of course never ends, but by 7pm my patience is wearing thin and I need some quiet time.
So, after all the tumult and yelling to get the kids bathed and loaded, I take them to visit somebody who has lost her only child.
What a moment to realize how silly and transient my problems are. I do have problems, just like anybody else does. Life can seem merciless at times and I wonder why it doesn't seem to realize that I am actually stretched as far as I can go.
Then to see somebody in the depths of their sorrow at the loss of a child, is just such a wake up call. How dare I be an imperfect mother? How dare I ever lose patience, or not appreciate them?
I am so grateful to have three beautiful children. I am grateful to be having another one, despite how inadequate I feel. I am a truly blessed woman to be able to have so many gifts in my life.
I know though that my self reflection will be temporary. I will forget how blessed I am. I will slip back into the bad old habits of self pity, anger and impatience. I hope that I have learned something though. I hope that I am able to hold on to a little bit of this lesson. I hope that I can hold them a little tighter, treat them well everyday, and remember what a gift life is, and how blessed I am to be able to be surrounded by so much of it.