Count Your Many Blessings


I don't know what it is but I have been so down lately. Maybe it is the hormones, or the rain, or not exercising, but whatever it is I just have been feeling a little sorry for myself. I hate to be like this, but it happens.

About a week ago my husband's came home to tell me that a colleague of his had tragically lost her daughter. The daughter was a grown woman, the mother is divorced, and she was the only child.

I saw the mother tonight. She is, of course, having a hard time with life. She was so happy to meet my children and just held them and hugged them and talked to them. She talked on and on about how wonderful it was to have children in her home again and how beautiful they were.

To her my life didn't look like it was full of stress. It looked like it was full of blessings. Blessings that were gone for her.

Our visit to her took place in the evening. I don't know about you, but the evenings for me are the hardest part of the day. I appear to be kind and patient earlier on in the day, but, I always say that I work a 12 hour shift and it ends at seven. It of course never ends, but by 7pm my patience is wearing thin and I need some quiet time.

So, after all the tumult and yelling to get the kids bathed and loaded, I take them to visit somebody who has lost her only child.

What a moment to realize how silly and transient my problems are. I do have problems, just like anybody else does. Life can seem merciless at times and I wonder why it doesn't seem to realize that I am actually stretched as far as I can go.

Then to see somebody in the depths of their sorrow at the loss of a child, is just such a wake up call. How dare I be an imperfect mother? How dare I ever lose patience, or not appreciate them?

I am so grateful to have three beautiful children. I am grateful to be having another one, despite how inadequate I feel. I am a truly blessed woman to be able to have so many gifts in my life.

I know though that my self reflection will be temporary. I will forget how blessed I am. I will slip back into the bad old habits of self pity, anger and impatience. I hope that I have learned something though. I hope that I am able to hold on to a little bit of this lesson. I hope that I can hold them a little tighter, treat them well everyday, and remember what a gift life is, and how blessed I am to be able to be surrounded by so much of it.

Comments

Aimee said…
Oh, mama, your problems aren't silly! There are different depths of problems and yours are valid too. That's like saying that Tuesday night dinner isn't really dinner because you've had Thanksgiving dinner! They're just different, not valid and invalid!
i like your story mama birth. it is funny how other people's stories can give us such a different perspective on our own. and i agree with what aimee said too!
Guggie Daly said…
Those situations always knock me out of my boo-bawling party, too. We have so many blessings.

Although toilet paper strewn over the whole house while I was nursing my baby to sleep is not one of them.
Tiny Footprints said…
I am a mom who has lost two children... and who has two children at home that are three and one. I am just as guilty as you are of grouchiness, grumpiness, and just plain orneriness, especially after 7 PM. Every one of us faces trials and it is different for every person. Your struggles are no LESS valid because someone you know has lost a child and is feeling the heartbreak of that loss. When I was pregnant with my oldest living daughter... as friend of mine suffered a miscarriage. She kept telling me that she was sorry for crying because it was no way NEAR what I had suffered. ( in that my children were born alive and lived for a short time before passing) And yet how does one compare apples and oranges really other than to say they are fruit. Struggling sucks. Pain hurts.
That is not to say that you shouldn't count your blessings. You certainly should... just that you shouldn't get down on yourself if you have forgotten every now and then. Yesterday when I was picking up our Christmas tree from the floor for the second time... I was not counting the blessings... instead I was counting the minutes left until bedtime. And some days are just that way!
Imogen said…
This is a great post. Aimee is right, though. Yes, counting your blessings is important, but we must never compare our struggles to those of another. the fire that burns your house down may not be like the wildfires in Oz, but it still burns your house down. <3
Erin said…
I love your posts ... this one in particular. I can so relate to what you are saying and trust me, by 7:00pm, my patience is running on empty as well ... lol. Moments such as you had w/ the mother who lost her only child, seem to visit all of us mamas from time to time and they really have a way of impacting us. But yet ... we are human and for sure slip back in our oh so human ways.
Beautiful Blog :)
Peace
xoxo
Jennifer said…
My heartaches for the Mumma. Even thinking for a second about losing my daughter brings me to my knees.

But we are struggling our own personal battles everyday. We need to remember they are valid too.
Ann said…
Beautifully honest and so well written. I have nothing to add only I know exactly where you're coming from.oxo
Thanks for the reminder Sarah.