Thursday, November 11, 2010

What To Get Your Favorite Housewife For Her Birthday


It is that time of year again for me. And so, for all those concerned parties, here are a few ideas. They might work for your favorite stay at home mother to young children too.

~A Dishwasher~
-Note: don't get her one of those cheap dishwashers into which you must place already clean dishes. She needs one that you can put an entire cake into and yet, an hour later everything is sparkling and clean. That is a dishwasher.

~When somebody asks her how old she is turning and she says 29 (again) don't laugh, roll your eyes or smirk. Say with a straight face, "Oh, I would have guessed 25."~
-This is a great present and it has the bonus of being free and making her love you forever. The only hard part is the whole doing it without laughing thing.

~An entire day during which she does not have to cook or clean.~
-Again, this one is easy in that it is free. The only hard part is that you will have to do the cooking and cleaning yourself, which may prove difficult. Especially if you value your sanity or a clean house and you are not used to the task.

~An entire day during which she does not have to touch feces.~
-I am not complaining about touching feces. It doesn't bother me any more. Still, it shows just how much you love her if you take the time to change all the diapers, clean the toilets, and clean up any "accidents". The only hard part is that it does seem that men have a stronger gag reflex when it comes to these things that a pregnant woman.

~A Date~
-She still likes you. She still wants to spend time with you. Sometimes she just is out of energy or patience. But- she will really enjoy and appreciate something as simple as a date, and if it includes dinner, she doesn't have to clean up or cook a meal either.

~A Bath~
-Simple, quite, clean, beautiful and relaxing. I would recommend that you clean the tub first (otherwise she will be looking for an old toothbrush to clean the grout the whole time and she won't be able to relax) and make sure that nobody bothers her or makes noise while she is in the bath. Also, a hot cup of herbal tea and a book will make a nice companion to the bath.

~No Parties~
-This might just be me, but I don't want to have to entertain and clean up after other people on my birthday. I don't mind doing it for everybody's birthday, that can be fun, but today, let's just relax.

~No Guilt Trips~
-Maybe your are blessed with one of those wives who gives you guilt trips and sometimes you return the favor. Today, forget about all her faults and mistakes and all of the birthdays of ours that she screwed up or forgot and just have fun together.

~Dessert~
Yes - she might complain about her weight, shape, etc. Doesn't matter, she still needs a treat on her birthday. Get one.

1 comment:

Fire said...

What great gift ideas! I will have to try and remember some for next year. Are you trying to say you are pregnant? I saw that word in this post. Anyway what day is your birthday again?

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