Monday, November 22, 2010
Humbling Moment #547: Women With More Than One Child Are Not Actually Crazy
Maybe you have been there. I remember having my one toddler. I was so patient. So kind. He was always breastfed to sleep. He was worn in a sling. He was loved all the time. He never cried for long periods. I was such a great mom. It was nice.
I remember seeing other women with two or more children. "Why are they so crazy?" I would ask myself. "Why are they so overwhelmed?" Or a really great one, "Why do they keep having kids when they don't seem to be handling the ones they have that well?"
Sorry, I just needed to take a moment to laugh out loud at myself and my total arrogance and lack of understanding.
Fast forward. I now have three. There will be another one this summer. OH MY GOSH! Four kids.
I actually once saw a friend of mine take a tranquilizer because she was having such a hard time with her kids. I think I was just kind of in shock.
I get it now. I am not saying I take tranquilizers, just that I UNDERSTAND why you might want to on certain days. Just saying.
When you have more than one child you start to learn a few things:
~ You are not a perfect mom. Maybe with one you were. But not with three, and sure as heck not when you are full term and have a few others who can easily outrun you. Yelling starts to look REAL good.
~The first one (or second or third) was just easy. You were not actually doing everything right. It was actually just the child. (Oops on all the times you gave other women advice on how to get their baby to sleep through the night, huh?!) No, you don't have any special knowledge, you just got lucky.
~The other one, was just hard. You did not do anything terribly and horribly wrong. Neither did that friend you had with the "naughty" or "out of control" toddler. It was just a harder child or a difficult stage and you were just seeing them at a bad moment.
~Everybody has bad moments. You might have to have a few kids before you see yourself have a bad moment. But wait, it is coming. Sometimes you see a mom in one of her horrid moments. Don't judge her. It is just a MOMENT. She is not actually crazy and it will pass.
~Even though you appear nuts, you love your kids and want MORE. Yes, your hands are full. No you can not afford them. Yes, you sometimes mix up their names. This is not actually an indicator that you have trudged too far down the path of insanity. It is just LIFE. And life can be hard, but children are still awesome. You see the beautiful moments, where everybody gets along and where there is just a touch of the divine in your home.
~There is a reason women with more than one child say things like, "Yes, but I have 4 kids!" like it is an accomplishment. Or the other thing those mom's say, "You only have one."
They are not actually trying to insult you. They just know that with only one child there are a few things that you might not understand yet. And the whole. "I have X amount of kids comment," well, it is kind of an accomplishment. And it does explain some things in your life. Like the the messy purse/car/ or emotional state.
So, to all those mom's out there who I looked at with horror as you yelled or lost patience or cried in public. I apologize. I get it. I am getting mine. Thank you for actually making it look easier than it really is.