Thursday, October 7, 2010

A Dangerous Bowel Movement


"It's not nice to fool Mother Nature." Dr Bradley

Scene 1

A man walks into a hospital.

He normally has a bowel movement on Monday. It is Wednesday. Something must be done.

Attendants quickly surround him in preparation to remove the bowel movement that stayed too long.

The man is instructed to lay down so that special drugs can be give that will "get things started". The administration of these procedures and drugs is painful and humiliating. It involves other people unknown to him touching and seeing parts of his body which he normally keeps private.

Sadly the drugs do not appear to work.

The man does eventually feel the "urge" to use the bathroom and attempts to stand.

"NO!" shout the attendants. "You can not get up or use the bathroom! We would not be able to monitor the progress of your bowel movement! Nor would we be able to help it come out should it be the proper time!"

The man is instructed to lay down on his back. He actually raises his feet in the air in stirrup's so that the attendants can see what is going on.

He is thirsty. He asks for water. An IV is given.

The man is numbed because he is in a lot of pain from all the procedures, the BM and the pressure.

Eventually he feels an urge to push. But the drugs have made his pushing ineffective. The attendants inform him that it needs to come out- NOW!

They use tools to help speed the process.

All involved are grateful when it is all over. The man is grateful that he was in a hospital with all the associated technology so that there were others there to help him with the process. Things could have been pretty dangerous otherwise.

Scene 2

A man needs to go to the bathroom.

He stays home. He goes when he feels the urge. He eats well, moves, and is in a place comfortable to him. The experience is pleasant, quick, and relatively easy.

2 comments:

Carla said...

Awesome. I'll be sure to use "you don't go to the hospital for a BM, would you?" next time I'm talking about home birth. :)

Okay, not really. But it's a funny thought.

Cocoanib said...

I like the way you put this. I've seen birth in hospital compared to someone having to BM in front of everyone and this takes it even further.

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