The Natural Mama's Bucket List

Some things the natural mama must do before she kicks the bucket.

-Sleep with 5 people in a full sized bed.  (This sounds vaguely erotic but is decidedly not, because of course, three of them are your squirming children.)

-Get in an argument with somebody about circumcision, vaccines, or epidurals.

-Have at least one person de-friend you on Facebook because of an "offensive" natural birth post.

-Worry about fluoride.

- Get rid of your microwave.

-Have an inflatable tub set up in your family room.

-Sit on a toilet backwards (possibly for hours).

-Labor for X amount of minutes/hours/days, and instead of talking about it like it was horrible, rave about it being the best experience of your life.

-Consider a yoga ball furniture.

-Purge your house of plastic cups.

-Spend at least a few minutes of your life buck naked and on all fours in front of people not your husband (again, not at all erotic).

-Store a human organ in your freezer.  Consider eating it.  (If I have to explain this, you wouldn't understand).

-Encourage at least one tired mom (whom you have never met before) to continue breastfeeding.

-Wake up one morning to discover that you now find Dr Sears to be just a little too mainstream.

-Get excited when the neighbor kids get chicken pox.

-Get excited when you see your hubby wearing a baby in a sling...

-Try to hide your horror when you discover your kids have eaten conventional peanut butter.

-Attempt to garden organically.

-Curse bugs everywhere when they eat everything before you can harvest it.

-Seriously consider living off the grid.

-Discover you like your stretched out, stretch marked body way more than that firm cute one you once had, because this one can do anything (even push out babies)!

-Compete with the women in your natural birth class to see who can have the biggest baby.

-Discover after church one day that your five year old has given his class a vivid description of the birth process.

-Witness your two year old demonstrating said process and afterwards, nursing her own toy baby.

-Bite your tongue at least once when you learn that somebody is getting induced.  Then go home and rant to your husband about it.

-Witness somebody nursing a 15 month old, think to yourself, "Weird, that kid is too big to nurse,"  Then realize a year later that you are still nursing your 18 month old.

-When family visits and asks you for a Tylenol, look at them like they are nuts.

-Get a headache.  Realize you must be subluxated.  Go see your Chiropractor.

-Discover you can no longer enjoy a diet soda, the guilt is just too much to bear.

-Know what ACOG stands for and get really angry when they are brought into a conversation.


Unknown said…
Love it! I only have a 5 month old ds, but I've already done a lot on this list!
Anonymous said…
Wow! I've got about 95% of these covered!! :) I've got my last placenta in my freezer right now and about to have another one added any day!! :) Waiting to take them to my parents to plant trees b/c I know they'll be there forever and we will definitely move. I think I would consider eating it in a smoothie, but I just couldn't do that to my poor husband. I don't think he could handle one more weird thing about me! :)
Goldie said…
Yeah, I've done about 98% of them.
Barbara said…

Years ago I decided to get rid of our microwaves, so I asked in a big family reunion if there was somebody willing to buy it from me and nobody couldn't imagine how I'd live without it. My grandma came and said: "Like I did! Plus she won't need to draw water from the well. Life is easy, even without a microwave!"

Don't take drugs when in pain is another thing people can't understand. I work with Ayurveda and I have herbs for everything here. I treat even fever with herbs, what it seems to be really scary for some people...

About home birth, I almost never talk about it. In a country with a rate of 80% of c-section in private hospitals, I'm already happy when I can talk about natural birth.
Theuppercblog said…
Another great one Sarah! I laughed at many of them. I will pass this along to my wife I am sure she will enjoy them. Thanks again!
carriegenealogy said…
And I did laugh! I too have done most of them. Even my 10 year old son found them funny.
Mama Birth said…
Thanks all- this one was fun to write. Makes you think how different you become once you start down this path-
January said…
This is a brilliant post!!!! love it!
Anonymous said…
LOL! I loved this! I've done most of them.As much as I'd LOVE to get rid of the microwave, my husband would have a fit. Maybe I'll throw it out one day and tell him it "broke". We're too broke to go out and buy a new one anyways. tehehe *evil laugh*
Unknown said…
This is great... I'm kinda jumping on my chair in excitement... Might be the loud music too... dunno
haring in next week's Sunday Surf. Thanks for sharing this on the Faceboob
dohiyi mama said…
hilarious! done about 98% of this. :)
I just came across your blog - I love The Natural Mama's bucket list, since I have a blog myself, "The Natural Mama". Like alot of your other comments, I haved done most of them also, and laughed outloud! My husband is a chiropractor, so I really like the headache one. Sometimes I feel like the only one out there, but then I read blogs like yours and feel connected to this whole group of women that I have never met! Thanks for the laugh!! :)
Anonymous said…
yeah,I've got this covered ;-)
Love this! So funny. I couldn't stop giggling, especially the one about Dr. Sears being too mainstream. :P
Serenity Birth said…
I'm in a fit of giggles. Sometimes I think I've gone crazy but its blogs like this that make me realize that if I'm crazy, at least I'm in good company! And yes, I'm still considering going off the grid.
Seriously brilliant post. I posted recently about my guilt related to diet coke...and now you've just inspired my post for true confessions Tuesday: I gotta write about my peanut butter problem.

Also, I was really upset when my placenta got thrown out...long story...and I always thought Dr. Sears was pretty mainstream! I mean, look at his vaccine schedule! We did do a few vaxes though. :)

But I think you should have included extended breastfeeding and cosleeping in your list of things to get in an argument about before you die. And I would like extra points for having gotten in that argument (which I won handily, of course, since I spew statistics on this stuff like it's my job) with my friend's father-in-law who was babysitting my friend's son and commented to me how weird it was that he was still breastfeeding at 13 months. That poor man got an earful! My friend was thrilled. :)
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This was very cute -- except the bit about the diet soda. That's where you lost me.
Crazy! You have me pegged! LOL, Thanks for this!
Anonymous said…
LOL! You have the Dr. Sears one pegged. The first time I read his Birth Book, it blew my socks off. The second time I read it (a primip home birth and 15 months of breastfeeding later) I couldn't believe it was the same book. (Same book, different person reading it, clearly!)
Jessi said…

Except my placentas get buried, not consumed.