Dump The Jerk- Changing Care Providers Before It Is Too Late

The Jerk 

So- your friends have introduced you to this "great"guy.  He makes great money, has a nice car, big new house, good looking, all that seems important.  You get a little closer a little faster than you would have liked and now you feel stuck in the relationship.  As you get to know him better there are some things that really bother you about him.

You don't feel like he respects you at all.  Whenever you mention something that is important to you he just blows it off.  You have been wanting to go see a ballet for months and he just won't go- even though you go with him to countless monster truck shows.  All of your opinions he would just rather not hear, and if you voice them anyways he makes a rude comment about how you don't really know anything.   Sometimes he even scares you a little bit. 

But- he is a great guy on paper, and all your friends love him.  You have been going together for a few months now and it just feels like it would be too hard at this point to get out of the relationship.  You hate being rude and hurting somebody's feelings anyway. 

Of course you have a crazy, opinionated friend.  She thinks a man should be respectful of you and what is important to you.  Her husband treats her well, but doesn't have all that fancy stuff.  She is actually happy in her relationship, unlike your friends.  She keeps telling you to dump the jerk before it is too late, and you are stuck with him forever.


When we think about the above situation, it seems obvious right?  Get out- find somebody good that you actually like and who likes you and respects you.

How many times do we hear this same stupid excuse though about somebody's doctor?  "Oh, I am already 35 weeks, it is just too late to change."  Or maybe this one, "Well, my sister went to this doctor too and I didn't know who else to go with.  He is all right, and he tells me not to worry about anything."

It is not too late to change doctors until the cord has been cut.  Am I being clear enough?  We are talking about the birth of your baby.  This is one of life's BIG events.  It will change you.  I am going to say that again, because it is so important.  Birth will change you.  How do you want your birth to change you?  Do you want it to be full of regrets?  Do you want to feel like a passive participant on a crazy ride where somebody else is behind the steering wheel?  Or do you want your birth to be beautiful and empowering, like you hear it can be?

Save Yourself!

I recently heard through the grapevine about a woman whose doctor had scheduled a c-section because of suspected big baby.  (She is of course weeks from her due date.)  But, when the doctors vacation plans changed he no longer needed to schedule the c-section, and told her as much.  Now- how would you feel in this situation?  How many of you have been this woman?  Would you wonder why you were told you needed invasive abdominal surgery just for the doctors convenience and given a "medical"reason for it?

After my initial snarky remark about how lucky she was to have a doctor who was psychic, I was just angry.  How many women have unnecessary surgery because of this kind of mentality?  How many of them are unhappy with the birth, do research and try for a better one the next time around?  How many of them fight an uphill battle trying to achieve a natural birth in a climate that is tremendously against v-bac?  How many of them actually succeed?

Get Out

If you ever find yourself in this kind of doctor/patient relationship, get the heck out.   If your doctor does not respect your wishes, get out.  If your doctor doesn't have time for you, get out.  If your doctor does not believe that women can give birth safely most of the time without interventions, get out.  If you want a natural birth and your crazy natural birth friends know that this care provider is notorious for pitocin, epidurals, and c-sections, then get out. 

If your hospital has an outragous c-section rate, find another one.  Just because the hospital has marble floors and is in a nice part of town, does not mean they will treat you with respect. 

It is not too late.  Believe me when I say that a good birth is worth it.  It is worth the inconvenience of switching care providers.  It is worth driving an hour for a better hospital or birth center.  It is worth the expense of a home-birth.  It is worth the cost of an out of hospital birth class. 

Birth is worth it.  So is your baby, and so are you. 


Brilliant blog!!!! I hope you don't mind that I reposted it on mine with a link back to yours for the full article
Mama Birth said…
Thanks! I loved checking out your blog! Put a shout out for you on my FB page. I will see you around-
Motorsport_Mama said…
I have my hand up here... Because I WATCHED my Dr schedule my Induction around his holidays. He convinced me that my dates were 1 weeks earlier and that it would be fine.
1 C-section and a heap of verbal abuse from him latter, he got his holiday and I got what I "Deserved".

He was nice to begin with. But, as you say... it ain't over until they cut the chord.

Sometimes I just want to SHOUT at first time mothers... and really dense 2nd timers too when I hear that they are going to submit themselves to the same stupid crap!
I was too young, dumb, and scared to change docs with my first. I did NOT make the same mistake with my second and third. Birth is just too important to stick with a provider who is not right for you.
Jessi said…
Well-written. I cannot agree more with this post. I think of all the things you have choice about regarding your birth, your choice of care provider and birth place is the MOST INFLUENTIAL in how your birth will go.

It's true it's never too late to switch. I switched in my eighth month from a anti-natural birth OB with a 33% cesarean rate to a birth center and midwives and I'm so thankful I did. I'm positive our outcomes (physical, mental, emotional) are WAY better because of it-not just for that first birth but for all to come after it too.

I'm sharing this post with all my students. This is SO important.
Anonymous said…
So true! I finally decided at 39 weeks that it wasnt too late to make a change from an OB and a hospital birth to a midwife and a home birth. I am so glad I did. I had a wonderful birth experience, just the way I wanted it. So you're right, it is never too late to change care providers. My daughter was born 2 weeks later at 41 weeks and I had such peace those last two weeks knowing my birth choices would be supported and respected.